Medical Cover Gifts

'Sorry - global warming is not covered!'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

Obama Healthcare.

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

Healthy Patients Only

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

GP to cat - 'In view of the new polyclinic up the road, yes we are opening our books to new patients.'