Medical Insurance Pillows

'We need your views on cost-benefit and risk-benefit.'

'Is there a treatment for insurance headache?'

'You'll be up and out of here in no time. They just found out you're not covered by medical insurance.'

"I'm sorry, but I believe I'm now way out of your network."

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

'I give you five years but your insurance company gives you one.'

"My D.I.Y. health insurance will pay for the surgery, but I have to take out the stitches myself."

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

"I scheduled you for a workshop on insurance forms followed by a workshop on stress."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

Obama Healthcare.

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'