Medical Geeks Pillows

Although Frank gets away with overusing that phrase on his diagnostic reports at work, it doesn't work out so well at home.

'Is this still America?'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

"I'm only flesh and blood. And, of course, collagen."

Henry Ford

The Juggler vein.

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

'I'm a freshwater fish in a saltwater world...'

"At first I thought a full size spare was a good idea, but now..."

Getting Closer

'Our new multi-syringe will take care of all your allergies in one fell swoop.'

The discovery of the $2,000 Aspirin

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

Beware of geeks bearing gifts.

'The nation is evenly divided again...the red states, Atkins Diet...the blue states, South Beach.'

'They turned down our request for a grant.'

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

The Little Dutch Girl

'Its easy really, just pull this lever and open the old Persian invented syphon trick!'

'The diagnostic computer keeps getting error messages.'

'A lot of folks have been eating corn lately.'

'Of course it's not downloading your iTunes. That's your 24-hour heart monitor.'

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

'It hurts when I swallow my pride.'

'So does this 'hip, bum and thighs diet' work?'

'I'm sorry, Ma'am, but medical science still has a lot to learn about machismo.'

Volunteered for one medical experiment too many.

Dr. Jarvik, and his lesser known invention, the artificial soul.

"If your bill isn't paid in 30 days, you'll be hearing from the organ collection repro man!"

"Simple stone tool."

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

"The procedure took twelve and a half hours, during which time our team of doctors was able to put Mr. Dumpty together again."

'Oops! Turn down the power on this lazer thing, will you.'