Medical Geeks Pillows

Although Frank gets away with overusing that phrase on his diagnostic reports at work, it doesn't work out so well at home.

'Is this still America?'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

"I'm only flesh and blood. And, of course, collagen."

The Juggler vein.

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

"At first I thought a full size spare was a good idea, but now..."

The discovery of the $2,000 Aspirin

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

Beware of geeks bearing gifts.

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

'They turned down our request for a grant.'

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

'Its easy really, just pull this lever and open the old Persian invented syphon trick!'

'The diagnostic computer keeps getting error messages.'

The Little Dutch Girl

'A lot of folks have been eating corn lately.'

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

'It hurts when I swallow my pride.'

'So does this 'hip, bum and thighs diet' work?'

Dr. Jarvik, and his lesser known invention, the artificial soul.

Volunteered for one medical experiment too many.

'I'm sorry, Ma'am, but medical science still has a lot to learn about machismo.'

"If your bill isn't paid in 30 days, you'll be hearing from the organ collection repro man!"

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

"The procedure took twelve and a half hours, during which time our team of doctors was able to put Mr. Dumpty together again."

"Simple stone tool."

'Oops! Turn down the power on this lazer thing, will you.'

'Why do you keep coming to these meetings, appendix? You have not contributed a damn thing since the Paleolithic!'