Medical Commercials Gifts

"Side effects include less visits by the grim reaper."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

'I'm a voice over artist.'

"Just give me the truth, Doc...I can tell when you're trying to humor me."

"You've got to move. The bed is needed for another TV drama."

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

'Of course he's an actor. When was the last time you saw a kid enjoy something that was good for him?'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

"Play it like, sure, the world sees you as just a hamburger, but you know there's so much more to you than that."

"....I may never slither again."

According to your chart, your leg is a pre-existing condition, Mr. Fusco. My entire body is a pre-existing condition, Doctor. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-12).

"I'm going to have to draw some blood."

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

Stethoscope

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

"I'm afraid it's your suit...you're suffering from batnipple."

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

Stephen Harper on the attack ads.

Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor...

Am I Coming Down With Something?

'Ready, steady, Operate'

"It's the online blood bank. Do we want to continue shopping?"

"If anyone has a question do not hesitate to open your mouth wide up."

'Hey! -- that Maytag repairman is an impostor!'

"Has this ever happened to you? Well, with our Medical Emergency Distress System..."

'I love it, the chief loves it. The client loves it but the Gods don't love it.'

Surprised doctor looking at man standing behind X-Ray machine with the image saying: SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE.

Save the bacon,

"They do say results will vary."