Medical Comic Enthusiast Gifts

"It's just a sprain. But let me put a cast on it so you won't look like an idiot for screaming like a freakin' schoolgirl."

"Mr. Hudson, it's time for your hearing test."

'Well, if you insist on a second opinion...Then it isn't Sciatica.'

Stil Bloody Waiting Room

'Sir, have you filled your little cup, yet?'

'What bandage? That's your bill.'

"So, Doc - how long have you been drawing blood?"

"If you enjoyed heart surgery you might also enjoy major bowel surgery."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"I think it stopped breathing."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Long shift?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'