Medical Comic Fan Gifts

'We're running a bit behind, so I'm going to take whichever of you screams in agony the loudest.'

'What does it me when you have no symptoms at all?'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

Take these three times a day until I feel better.

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'...Better clear my schedule too.'

'Second opinion? Come back tomorrow, I will probably have changed my mind by then...'

Lazy Doctor

"Let's run a few tests and see where we are."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."