Media Addict Gifts

"Now that I can watch whatever I want, whenever I want, my life has no structure."

' Newspaper'

Showbiz Awards

"They grow up so fast."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

Create some buzz!

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

Big screen TV falling through floor

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Page not found...

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

Binge Watch

"Don't open me, you fool!"

Newspaper suicide.

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"Oh my God, they're gassing refugees. Look at this family!"

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Presenter Auditions.

Spooning

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'It's not dead, honey. You've just never seen it turned off before.'

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'