Media Gifts

Misinformation Pandemic

"Since I no longer trust the media. I get all my news from hysterical people on the street."

No Evil

Melvyn Bragg.

"Coming up on BBC Radio Four, I'm Dorries I haven't a clue."

An angel looks at a news box containing the "International Herald Tribune".

"Wake up, Larry - you're missing the pregame."

"So. . . who'd like to have a go at defining Britishness?"

'By the way, is this off the record?'

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

'Hey, that line's moving a lot faster!'

Gettysburg Address, "Now can we have it as a sound bite ?"

Information vs. Opinion Desks

"And, in a move sure to attract the attention of regulators, the private sector made a bid to acquire the public sector."

'Do you want to be manipulated by the left wing media or the right wing media?'

Targeted Advertising

"If you were to boil your book down to a few words, what would be its message?"

God hounded by the media.

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

'This is strictly off the record...'

'Bloody paparazzi' - 'I know, it's at least 40 minutes since I rang them!'

'Are we talking about political reality, media reality or the real reality?'

'We're not intrusive - we keep a respectable distance.'

'I'll only give you the paper if you promise not to let the news upset you.'

'Responding to viewer sentiment, we have eliminated world news and expanded our entertainment and sports news.'

'Sleaze, please.'

"It's all roadkill, and never a word about the chickens who get to the other side!"

In the Guru District

Sign says Daily News: Read it for free online: Journalists wonder 'Where did it all go wrong?'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

"The idea that the government introduces change for the SAKE of it is NONSENSE...we also introduce it so we have an endless stream of tabloid friendly headlines and meaningless sound bites."

"My client has nothing to leak at this time."

'I realize that you're upset that Oprah hasn't reviewed your new book on her show. But you are on MY show, so why don't you tell us what inspired you to write 'Overcoming Disappointment and Resentment.''

"I'm going back to my room, where the media is a little less mainstream."

'You're allergic to media.'