Mechanical Misfit Pillows

"John isn't very mechanical."

'I had to bring your car back, it was beyond repair.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

'I thought I knew what a cubit was.'

"Well. . . either it's sinking, or you got the measurements wrong. . .!"

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'If this is 'Office Team Day' why are we wearing different colours?'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

"I'm pretty sure the definition leadership is the use of anger to motivate those who are already miserable."

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

Dating site - buy a dog.

He's my vaguely familiar.

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

"My parents hate it."

All's well that ends well

"How is the new hearing aid?"

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'I was demoted and they're making me wear this hair shirt.'

'It's a case of wrongful arrest - you haven't had a heart attack.'

How about listening to music to help you exercise? Ok. I'll make you a playlist. Who do you like? Bach. Wow, nana. You are so hip! I haven't even heard him yet. He's an indie rocker, right? Very indie!

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

'I don't fit where I belong.'