Mix-up Misfit Pillows

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'If this is 'Office Team Day' why are we wearing different colours?'

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

He's my vaguely familiar.

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

Dating site - buy a dog.

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'Why am I here, nurse? I just wanted a replacement for my organ.'

'You say it's milk, oh, oh, I must have hooked up the wrong pipes.'

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

"I don't think this guy is even remotely capable of getting a clue."

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

"Sorry! There's been some mistake. It's elves we're looking for!...Elves!"

All's well that ends well

"How is the new hearing aid?"

'George...George! Have you seen the fly-spray anywhere?'

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"