Meat Grading Enthusiast Gifts

A meat counter is divided between 'Delicious,' 'Not bad,' and 'Edible.'"

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Important Food Groups

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"We get all our meat from a man dressed like a butcher."

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"Bad news, sir. The public isn't buying our new Pork Ala King."

*=Hotdog

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

Family Butcher.

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

I assure you the animals didn't suffer. All of our meat comes from animals who died naturally of old age while vacationing in Miami.

'I was like you once, full of ambition! AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT MEEE!'

"Just remember...the main ingredient in all my dishes is love."

"Veal or non-veal?"

Down on Her.

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but, hang on a minute, I'm pretty sure I have the heart and stomach of a king, too..."

Pigs at butcher: 'One day son, all this will be you..'

"Appetizer is almost done."

"It says it's 100% ground beef. Only bones, brains, butts and eyeballs. Absolutely no pink slime added..."

"You'd think over the years one or two of them would catch on."

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

The Butcher of 35th street.

Nothing sweeter than seeing an old couple holding hams.