Measurement Misfit Gifts

"Well. . . either it's sinking, or you got the measurements wrong. . .!"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

'I thought I knew what a cubit was.'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'If this is 'Office Team Day' why are we wearing different colours?'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

"But aside from the lycanthropy, things have been pretty O.K."

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

'Stan, wait!... Wrong game!'

He's my vaguely familiar.

Dating site - buy a dog.

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

"My parents hate it."

"My goodness, Mr. Merryweather, we certainly did make a boo-boo with that prescription of yours!"

"How is the new hearing aid?"

All's well that ends well

'That was absolutely HORRIBLE! When can you start?'

'I was demoted and they're making me wear this hair shirt.'

'Stop calling us monsters already. We're comfort eaters!'

How about listening to music to help you exercise? Ok. I'll make you a playlist. Who do you like? Bach. Wow, nana. You are so hip! I haven't even heard him yet. He's an indie rocker, right? Very indie!

'It's a case of wrongful arrest - you haven't had a heart attack.'

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

'I don't fit where I belong.'

'Okay, so we went over the top with it, but our PR team said it would generate a lot of buzz.'