Meal Guardians T-Shirts

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"I mean, he does have a point."

"Michael, do your dinner."

"I am listening to my body. My body says yuk!"

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

"It's just that I would be more thankful if we had roast beef."

'Would you believe, humble pie?'

"Thanks, but there's really nothing to do while the meat's smoking."

"Get the story and get it write."

Mum ices cake with 'hands off'.

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

Grandchildren's Menu: Whatever's on your plate and no funny business

'Yuck! My creamed corn is polluting my mashed potatoes!'

I'm sorry, sir, but the bill is correct. The sign says "Kid Seat Free," not "Kids eat free."

An angel in heaven is walking an angel dog.

"Snowflake, quit eyeballing me!"

Snowplough Scoring Mailboxes.

The war against ignorance

'Then that's one child's plate, one special, and one anything-as-long-as-I-don't-have-to-cook-it.'

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

'You mean, you cooked broccoli on PURPOSE?'

"...brisket ...recipe. Hide it."

"Ciel! Supergastronome!"

"In the kitchen preparation is everything. Here's one I prepared earlier, & here's one I prepared even earlier."

"I'm afraid I may have murdered the trees."

Watchdog Maddoff Type Fraud Schemes.

"Baldo, you promised to never bring up the subject of buying a car during mealtime."

'Beware of the dog (leftovers will be prosecuted).'

"Chef, the salads are ready, the meat is seasoned, and you're washing your hands in the soup."

'We won't need menus. Just bring whatever is cooked. They'll eat it and like it.'

'I'm eating right now. Can you call me back when I'm not eating?'