Kitchen Guardian T-Shirts

"Are there any nuts in the kitchen?"

Lady of the Cake.

Domestic Goddess.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Allotment

"You're the lid to my pot."

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Cake Friday!

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"I just need help getting the pit out."

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

Salt and Pepper

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

Witch's Brew.

"I can't make it out - on the packet it said radishes."

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

The Perfect Foil

'Cooking'

"Beware of God"

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

Cookery Lesson.

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

"I'm starving! How long will dinner be?"

"Tastes great, less killing!"

Funky Chef 2

Roasted Peppers