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Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"Please don't kill me."

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

'Your life story?....why not, the world is in need of a few good laughs!'

The Aisle

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"I mean, he does have a point."

"He's a fussy eater."

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

'Your meal should be along shortly. Frank just went out to hunt it.'

Grandchildren's Menu: Whatever's on your plate and no funny business

"I think it's a bit late in the evening, Harold, to tell them about your watershed experience."

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

'What's this rumor I hear, that they're putting saltpeter in Meals-On-Wheels!'

'How much longer will you be working on your autobiography, Shelly?'

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

"I said, 'How's the trial separation going for you?'"

'Something moved!'

"I'm confused. Is this a late lunch or is it early dinner?"

'I lost my virginity and my identity on the same night.'

'Faux-horse beef for me, faux-beef horse for the wife.'