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"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"Please don't kill me."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

'Your life story?....why not, the world is in need of a few good laughs!'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

The Aisle

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

"He's a fussy eater."

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

"I mean, he does have a point."

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

Einstein tests his pasta-antipasto theory.

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

'Your meal should be along shortly. Frank just went out to hunt it.'

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

Grandchildren's Menu: Whatever's on your plate and no funny business

Who wants to say grace? Grace! Ames! Would you please show the kids how it's done? Ok. Thank you. That's it? I could have said that! Amen.

"I think it's a bit late in the evening, Harold, to tell them about your watershed experience."

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

'What's this rumor I hear, that they're putting saltpeter in Meals-On-Wheels!'

'How much longer will you be working on your autobiography, Shelly?'

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

"I said, 'How's the trial separation going for you?'"

'Something moved!'

"I'm confused. Is this a late lunch or is it early dinner?"

'I lost my virginity and my identity on the same night.'