Meal Monitor T-Shirts

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

'The 'Business Man's Lunch?' The chicken salad comes served in a laptop.'

The Aisle

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"Michael, do your dinner."

"I mean, he does have a point."

"I have a strong personal commitment to dinner."

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

'I've got a tight schedule.'

Food Blog

"Your dinner is at www.Icouldntbearsed.com."

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

Grandchildren's Menu: Whatever's on your plate and no funny business

Who wants to say grace? Grace! Ames! Would you please show the kids how it's done? Ok. Thank you. That's it? I could have said that! Amen.

"Snowflake, quit eyeballing me!"

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

'What's this rumor I hear, that they're putting saltpeter in Meals-On-Wheels!'

"I thought I told you not to drink your milk."

"Ever notice that you finish my sentences and. . ."

"It says, 'Someday you will die.'"

"Just so it won't confuse you - the meal I've just called you for is in real time; the programme you're watching is a repeat."

'You eat it! Your Mother slaved for two minutes cooking that for you in the microwave.'

This time, Eddie was going to pay for this.

Cats prefer the food that people eat.

Finally, a good personal-pylon.