Mayan Prophecy Fan Gifts

'Well it's Friday the 21st and we're all still here. The world's not going to...'

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Of course, the future isn't what it used to be.'

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

'The incorporation of the name of Cit-Bolon-Turn the God of Healing into your logo will resonate with everyone who has even the faintest knowledge of Mayan religious nomenclature!'

On the seventh day the ideation got a little heated.

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Forget about tall and handsome. What about portfolio 10 year highs and lows?"

"I'd be a lot more comfortable with a Pisces."

"Sorry, you ran out of wishes. A ham and cheese on rye counts as three."

"Now...this piece of paper will reveal even more."

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

Your Palm

"I see you on a beach..."

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

'Hey, Ruby, want to give this guy an estimate?'

'...and I see dozens, no, hundreds of dirty socks lying on the floor! And I see windowless cars filled with injured squirrels and blind cats, who take you to an oasis of bacon bits...'

"I do miss the crystal ball."

"It's curious. No matter how hard I try, I can't find your life line."

Your karma will catch up with you!

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

"Do you really want to know?"

You Will Find a Nearby Restaurant!

'I can see... two all beef paddies, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"And it shall come to pass, Great Caesar, you shall have a salad named after you"

'According to the Mayan calendar, 2012 will be the end of the world!'

"I see fireworks, I see people celebrating..."

"We're out of chrysanthemum." "I ordered chrysanthemum tea. This is not chrysanthemum tea. This is chamomile." "I've had a chrysanthemum tea every day for the last 80 years, and I'm still alive and well." "Are you trying to kill me?" "Are all old folks this superstitious?" "Superstition's always worked in the past."

"The end of my Sharpie is near."

"I see cars. Lots of illegally parked cars."

2012 Doomsday