Maturation Gifts

"Okay, I'm definitely getting older."

A Punk Rocker Cocoon.

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

"I didn't start seriously accessorizing until my mid-thirties."

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

'I must be growing up. I've caught myself washing my hands without being told to.'

"Hey, Siri, is it too late to threaten my parents with running away from home?"

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."

'I must be getting old. I've stopped trying to come up with ways to drive you crazy.'

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

'Son, I think you're old enough now to know about the birds and the fleas.'

"Good news, mom and dad! It took 20 years, but I finally over my 'I know more than you' phase."

'I must be growing up. I took a bath without being told to.'

"Dad, I've been thinking it might make things better between us if I just called you Ed."

Moo! Honk! Don't stoop to their level Henry!

Al, what advice would you give me as I begin my journey on the highway of adulthood? Pull over onto the shoulder and pretend you have engine trouble. With luck, a beautiful female mechanic will stop to help.

Grow up, Slim.

'I must be getting older. I tried to make an adorable remark to mom yesterday, and it came out all smart-alecky.'

"At least when it comes to Mother of the Year - you're a shoe-in."

'Firstly Madame, the Green Grocer is across the road and secondly that should explain why your 'bananas' are vibrating...!'

Immature Cheese

'Mumsie, Billy called me a snob... can I sue him?'

'Of course I've become more mature since you started treating me. You've been at it since I was 14 years old.'

"The adult diapers I understand, but the adult binky..."

Those guys are too green; I'm waiting for Mister Ripe.

Is there anything worse than the aging process? The thing that comes after the aging process.

'It just so happens that I LIKE shows geared to a 12-year-old mentality!'

I need to figure it to break it to my parents that I understand about death. I''m going to sit them down and tell them that I understand our cat Magus died and that's why her body stopped working. I'm going to explain that death is a natural part of life and that they don't have to treat me like a baby. I get it. If they're still feeling upset, I'll offer to take them out so they can buy themselves a treat. If all else fails, ice cream.

"And when I became a man, I put away childish thingees. Thingamabobs. Whatever."