Matrimony Melancholic Gifts

Things one would rather have left unsaid - 'I will!'

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

The Sleeping Congregation.

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Half-full. Those were the days."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"Sorry. No refunds."

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

Edgar Allan Poe almost ruins his public persona.

"I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death."

Bored couple.

"Well, if you're out there 'slaving over a got every every day', how come you never notice the food burning?"

'Of course he's never home. Didn't I warn you about marrying a Free-Range chicken?'

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"

'Turbulence. That's ok, I'm used to it. I'm married.'

"I'm not sure I've explored all my marriage options!"

'To be honest Fran, our marriage is going through a tricky patch.'

"Sad flick, but they found happiness at the end."

'At least the mess I make is all in one place'

Why must you have "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" on the jukebox? A lot of people complained that "Happy Hour" was too happy.

'We can't get a divorce. We haven't paid for our wedding yet.'

"Christmas should be a time to show how much we care for one another."

'I just can't keep on pretending that we've been living happily ever after!'

"I thought I was pretty clear when I said I wanted a companion, I meant a dog."