Matrimony Melancholic Gifts

Things one would rather have left unsaid - 'I will!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

The Sleeping Congregation.

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Half-full. Those were the days."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"Sorry. No refunds."

"Well, if you're out there 'slaving over a got every every day', how come you never notice the food burning?"

Bored couple.

'Of course he's never home. Didn't I warn you about marrying a Free-Range chicken?'

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"

"I'm not sure I've explored all my marriage options!"

"Sad flick, but they found happiness at the end."

'Turbulence. That's ok, I'm used to it. I'm married.'

'To be honest Fran, our marriage is going through a tricky patch.'

'At least the mess I make is all in one place'

'We can't get a divorce. We haven't paid for our wedding yet.'

'His 'get up and go' usually surfaces once the pub's opened'

"Trying to live more in the moment was your idea."

I'm not sure we can record your marriage is a depreciating asset