Matinée Aficionado Gifts

"If you hurry, you can make the matinée."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"Meet the author"

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

Back to school.

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Two vegans, please."

Driverless cars rage.

"What did you download at school today?"

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

Bot Art: After da Vinci

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'