Agenda Aficionado Gifts

'Mr Chairman, it's nearly midnight. Can we move on to item two?'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

Things to do. Break even.

Biannual relationship talk officially called to order. Can I get a second? Seconded. Let us work down the agenda. We'll do minutes from our last meeting, then new business, announcements for future events, then discuss the annual blood drive. The what? We ask people to donate blood in case of an incident. How quaint: Just in case one of us old coots falls over and breaks something? In case you hit me again with my bullhorn! Suck it up! You'll heal!

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"Meet the author"

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"Call me?"

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

Back to school.

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

Driverless cars rage.

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

Beer Stall

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

"What did you download at school today?"

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."