Menu Aficionado Gifts

'No, we don't have any tuna FISH, but we do have salmon FISH, trout FISH, and catfish FISH.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

La Table

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Two vegans, please."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'You're going to be in heaven. Cindy makes the most amazing carrot cakes!'

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"