Culinary Affectionado Gifts

Man with a pizza in 'Lover's Lane.'

La Table

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

They don't feed the animals in here very well, do they!

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'You're going to be in heaven. Cindy makes the most amazing carrot cakes!'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Uh-oh - climate change."

"....and hold the garlic."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

Choice hellhole

'How was the squid?'

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

"He'd like the broiled monkfish, too, but first he's having a quick taste of the gutter."

"This is a big wine. I recommend you order some big food."

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'