Material Choice Critic Pillows

"Eighty percent polyester."

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

'Well, your guess is as good as mine. Almost.'

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

No, you tell him the computer says he's wrong!

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

Heart Disease Menu

Made with 100% recycled material.

"I finally got my wife to read my manuscript. She said the main character was a sleazebag devoid of a moral compass. It's an autobiography."

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

'We have a lot in common. We're both insanely greedy!'

A man sprays a bug in an organic foods shop.

'I'm bringing you into the decision-making process, Ruggles. Here -- flip this coin.'

Knitting is Knirvana.

"And make sure you give me a paper straw... gotta do my bit for the planet."

Bulltoon: Insatiabull.

Monsanto

New Gods

"Good morning, Mrs. Kiley."

''No tarball left behind' sounds good, but will it work?'

Consumerism junkie.

Other Patron Saints of Christmas

"Never mind."

GOP Environmental Stink Tank - G.W. Bush National Forest.

Secretary of the Interior Paul Bunyan VI

"For Gladys it's not the thought that counts, it's the size of the gift."

"Yes, we're very pleased with our decision to withdraw from the Paris Accord."

"Well. . . I guess there will be no offspring, but at least I will save on the tuition fees."

"I don't mean to be a snob, but I know what real leather sounds like."

Donald Trump as a match thrown onto coals.

First and last day as oil company spokesman...

'What?! Oh, that's just an expression. Of course you can take it with you!'

Automation