Match-goers Pillows

'Of course he'll pick you up at the airport, mother. He's got a season ticket so he can go to football any time.'

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

The commentators want to run the officials...

Football supporters.

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

'We've decided to babysit for you, while you go out to a late-night show.'

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

'We're in a hurry.'

'I'm dreading the World Cup . . .'

'Let's buy the one that has the game on it.'

The keen cricket fan

'Two please. A batsman and a bowler.'

Soccer Fans.

"Sorry guys, these are restricted premises: Show me your teeth so that I can check your age..."

Footballer.

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

A typical Newcastle fan.

"We call it that because Pastor Dave is always aware of kick-off time."

'Yes, he was there his afternoon - that's his balloon floating in the penalty area.'

"Can I have a restricted view seat. I can't stand the sight of the star turn."

'These oxygen tanks go with your tickets. Where you're sitting, you'll need them.'

Football Applause

Shingles Bar.

Flea Market.

"This was all stolen locally."

'Dunno - must be the onions!'

The Alter of Football

"We'll swop at half time."

"My Man Utd top's still in the wash"

Footballers chasing a ball.

Football Hooligan.

Football fan's painted face turns completely red at the sight of a big breasted woman.

Football