Match-goers Pillows

'Of course he'll pick you up at the airport, mother. He's got a season ticket so he can go to football any time.'

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

The commentators want to run the officials...

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

Football supporters.

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

'We've decided to babysit for you, while you go out to a late-night show.'

'We're in a hurry.'

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

'Let's buy the one that has the game on it.'

Soccer Fans.

'Two please. A batsman and a bowler.'

The keen cricket fan

Footballer.

"Sorry guys, these are restricted premises: Show me your teeth so that I can check your age..."

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

A typical Newcastle fan.

"We call it that because Pastor Dave is always aware of kick-off time."

'Yes, he was there his afternoon - that's his balloon floating in the penalty area.'

'These oxygen tanks go with your tickets. Where you're sitting, you'll need them.'

Football Applause

"Can I have a restricted view seat. I can't stand the sight of the star turn."

Shingles Bar.

Flea Market.

"This was all stolen locally."

Footballers chasing a ball.

Football Hooligan.

The Alter of Football

Football fan's painted face turns completely red at the sight of a big breasted woman.

"We'll swop at half time."

Football

'It's hard for him to do much work around the house. He only has half-times available.'