Master Of Playful Insults Gifts

'You have no idea how difficult life can be when one is totally irresistible to men, Jane.'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Hats and Food

Do it yourself books.

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Scuba cow"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"I'm concerned. You seem to have catlike reflexes."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"