Master Of Modern Art Gifts

'I'm not one to brag or anything but take a guess what this thing cost?'

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"I gotta be me!"

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"Well....I could've done this!"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'Projectile painting.'

It's a call from Tate modern.

bird interprets modern art

The Selfie

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'Remember me?'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

battered artist has painted picture of falling bomb.

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Convenience.

Picasso: The Early Years

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

Cats at private view