Massage Humor Gifts

Foot Massage

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Mom's Spa'

"I don't leave home without it!"

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

'I also offer massage therapy.'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

"I didn't say he's dying from choking. I said he's killing us with his joking."

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

Couples Massage

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"Shoulder work ahead"

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

"I've developed a sporting way to administer the flu shot."

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

Toe-Tickling Machine