Massage Humor Gifts

Foot Massage

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

"I don't leave home without it!"

'Mom's Spa'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

Couples Massage

"Shoulder work ahead"

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

Toe-Tickling Machine

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!