Massage Clinic Owner Pillows

"Basically, the job is hands on training."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

The adoration of the gels.

Cut Price

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Fast food. Even faster food

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Today's special... donuts.

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

Try to guess the continent dining...

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Kitchen Kapers

"Be creative...!"

"This is our soft opening."

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"The food isn't bad, but I don't care much for the floor show!"