Massage Clinic Owner Gifts

"Basically, the job is hands on training."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

The adoration of the gels.

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Cut Price

Fast food. Even faster food

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Today's special... donuts.

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

"Be creative...!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

Hot Pie Therapy

"This is our soft opening."

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

Kitchen Kapers

"The food isn't bad, but I don't care much for the floor show!"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.