Massage Critic Pillows

Client to lawyer: 'I'm suing my massage therapist for injuries sustained to my back. He rubbed me the wrong way.'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Mom's Spa'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Couples Massage

'Dude, you like, need to get your wallet chain in check!'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

"Shoulder work ahead"

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

Toe-Tickling Machine

My Mom texted me to let me know she hates all the fonts she saw this week.

Foot Massage

'You're very tense today.'

'Sorry I'm late - I stopped off for a beer and a back rub.'

I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me me up the wrong way.

"Too hard?"

"Will it be just a cleaning or a full hour on sensual dentistry."

"Don't worry: My claws retract..."