Massage Critic Prints

Client to lawyer: 'I'm suing my massage therapist for injuries sustained to my back. He rubbed me the wrong way.'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

'Mom's Spa'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

'I also offer massage therapy.'

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

Dave's diaper-changing incentive chart.

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Couples Massage

"Shoulder work ahead"

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

'Dude, you like, need to get your wallet chain in check!'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

My Mom texted me to let me know she hates all the fonts she saw this week.

Foot Massage

Toe-Tickling Machine

'You're very tense today.'

Chair massages.

'Sorry I'm late - I stopped off for a beer and a back rub.'

To compensate for the stress of news broadcasts, Tina's TV came with a built-in massage system.

"Don't worry: My claws retract..."

'I'm going to stop coming here -it's completely lost it's fresh, country atmosphere!'

Masseuse With Rolling Pin