Mass Pillows

"Things have been pretty quiet around here since folks started worshipping online."

It's a good thing Pastor Jones knew semaphore...

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

"We ran out of bread, so its croutons for communion."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"You're fired."

The Anti-Agent

"Young Frankenstein"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Playing Fetch.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Just be yourself."

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

A Good Batch.

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"Pick me!"

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"Why do they do that?"

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"