Masculinity Tester T-Shirts

"Good question. On the surface, it's a dainty, attractive car! But undernearth, it's nothing but guy...a touch of friskiness mixed with subtle power!"

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

Gas: Regular/Hi-Test/Testosterone

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

'Oh no its going to be one of those days.'

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

"Good game.". . ."Good game.". . . "Nice game.". . . "Good game.". . . "I'm in love with you.". . . "Good game."

"Sipsies?"

'Just because the alignment of the system wasn't maintained during rapid sample exchange, it's no threat to your manhood.'

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

"Shaving off your three whiskers doesn't make you older!"

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

Crocodile Tie

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

"...And my Dad never gave me his approval. Which is why I try so had to be a perfect male specimen."

I saw that! Saw what? You just had tears in your eyes. The end of the movie made you cry! Did not. Why not just admit it? What's the big deal? It was a sad movie and you cried. It happens to everyone. You think you're above normal emotions? Are you better than the rest of us?! No. Fine, okay. It was sad. Maybe my eyes were a little moist. Girly man! Look at the crying girly man! Can't win.

'..A new method of extracting money from purses.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

New parents refusing to change their baby's nappy

"Dear, do you think you may have become too comfortable with your masculinity?"

Macho fishing.

Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.

"How many out of ten? Hello."

'I couldn't put it down.'

"Studly"?

Movember

"Real men don't shave, but, if you have to, don't be dainty about it."

'Sorry, I'm late. I overslept.'

The New Man

"Man-to-man talk, Randy." "Proceed, friend." "If you were being audited, and you may have accidentally burned all your receipts and ledgers...would it be manlier to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with the ours, or to weasel out of it by ratting out an even bigger tax cheat?" "Or, would it be manlier to frame the auditor for a crime he didn't commit?" "Gonna have to take a day to think about this one."