Martian Meal Planners Gifts

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'Like death by salad.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Kiddies Menu for Witches

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

"We're out of today's soup, but you can have tomorrow's soup from yesterday which is the same as today's."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"To help illustrate our sales plan I have created a pie chart."

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

A day at the FULL CIRCLE RANCH

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"Now I wish we hadn't ordered all those appetizers."

'I put an app on your computer to remove cookies and other thins slowing it down. It's like fiber for your computer.'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

Me, Alice and God

'There was a power failure today - we're having steak, fish, chicken, hamburger, turkey, and pork chops for dinner.'

"Hey, guess what we're having for dinner tomorrow."

"Your dinner is at www.Icouldntbearsed.com."

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"Our food supervisor used to be a military cook."

"What'll I eat, when you, are far away, and I am blue, what'll I eat?"