Martial Arts Pillows

'I must warn you, I know tai chi. We can step outside and settle it like men, but it will have to be in slow motion.'

Cat Kung Fu

Black Belt/Yellow Belt/Green Belt/No Belt.

A black belt in karate as well as a chiropractor, Dr. Glynn attempts to adjust the spines of three patients all at once.

'You didn't attend our interpersonal skills seminar did you Perkins?'

'No kidding? -- a black belt in humility?'

Darling, I wish you'd stop the self defense classes, now you've got Alzheimer's.

Old Karate Master

Tony's online class in kung fu develops a sudden snag...

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

Rudolph's Krav Maga demonstration was brief, but from that day forward, none of the other reindeer laughed or called him names.

'Dang! This guy's good!'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"What did I tell you about practicing on the cat?"

"I think your bluffing!"

I kid you not, if he calls me 'grasshopper' one more time, I'm cleaning his clock.

Ninja convention

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

Martial arts and clumsiness.

Karate Class Clown

Tai Chi vs. Chai Tea

"You're too defensive."

'Instead of a black belt, some of our older students, like Mr. Mertz here, prefer the black suspenders.'

'Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey...'

"...you're telling me you think it knows kung-fu as well."

'I think I'm getting the hang of it now!'

'The Pink Belt? That means I can open a child-proof caps.'

Karate Chop.

Computers can beat humans at chess but they still have a ways to go with mixed martial arts.

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

'I can say 'no' in five different languages: English, Spanish, German, Russian and Karate.'

No one ever tried to rob the Samurai Bank.

Bruce Lee after bathing his cat

Karate School.

'They agreed to tear this house down for a third of what we pay our regular demolition team.'