Marshmallow Roaster Gifts

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

The Burning Bush: How God convinced Moses to Lead His people a.k.a. the origin of s'mores.

Scary Marshmallow Campfire Stories.

Marshmallows

"See, isn't this more fun than shredding?"

Zombie scout issues

"When life gave him lemons, he always made lemonade!"

"Dad! Dad! It's freezing out here! I wish we had a fireplace to get all cozy and roast marshmallows!"

The lesser known active volcanoes.

There was a good reason Geppetto invited Pinocchio on his camping trips.

Electric chair marshmallow roast.

Beware Electric Fence.

Marshmallow Roast

'Marshmallows ready! Now for the roasting...'

Emergency box in woods contains supplies for a campfire.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Take seat. Nothing makes me happier than keeping people warm and cooking s'mores for them. Friendly fire.

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

"Really? You mean you’ve never smoked a joint?"

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Harsh Mellows.

'The Torch Holder'.

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

"My calculations are complete. We could toast 12,000 marshmallows every day for every person on earth for 36,000 years with one solar flare."

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

"I don't know, maybe I'm just being mallowdramatic."

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

Trash-talkin' artists

"He must be a pro. He's got his own stick."

"First beach?"

"I can do this all day, marshmallow. I have a bright life ahead of me. You, on the other hand... I'm not so sure."

"Not the Verity Brewster? The Verity Brewster who invented sweet-potato casserole with marshmallows on top?"

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you overcook the salmon?"

The Sacrificial Peep