Married Parent Pillows

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Cry babies.

The Baby Walker

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Couples' therapy

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

His Her Cakes

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'We'd just like to get away from all leading economic indicators for a while.'

"... Oh, don't worry, I won't 'overcook it'... I hope you like, sushi."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Get a tomb!"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

'Choose, Fenster

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

Sulk Shows

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'