Married Couples Pillows

"There's an article in that paper, all about how married couples begin to resemble one another."

'I'm worried about the wife, Doctor. She hasn't contradicted me all day!'

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

"If anyone asks, tell 'em I injured it while hunting, not gathering."

'Ask me about my day.'

Recycling - woman thinking of putting her partner in the recycling bin

'How are we supposed to have a constructive dialogue when you keep trying to interrupt me?'

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

"How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good."

"It's our last model without GPS. Your wife will never know where you are."

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

"If you don't like it you can always use it as another example of how I have no idea who you really are."

Hot & Cold

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"I'm sorry for doubting you. I guess I can shop by myself."

"So, are you still with the same parents?"

"Can you sort the garden out before Stig of the Dump moves in?"

"And just where have you been?"

'He's a bit busy at the moment - Chillaxing.'

"I just had to go and marry salesman of the year and fall for the old bait-and-switch."

". . . So tell me Mr. Confirmed Bachelor. . . why did you get married?"

"Where would you like to be tonight, on top or bottom?"

"I didn't mean to yell. I accidentally hit my caps lock button."

"He used to catch flies...now he draws them."

'Isn't that a coincidence? - My wife puts powdered glass in my cornflakes, too!'

"This, 'sexercise to music' CD isn't a bad idea. But, I wonder why they made it twenty minutes to long?"

'No! No! You were keeping a note of what level we were on!'

'I wish my husband had what it takes to listen to me.'

'Tell me the truth - do I look fat in this dress?'

'Okay, okay -- You were right about talk radio!'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

'I'm burning the new Madonna C.D..'

'OK, let's admit it. We both hog the covers.'

'Have you notices that almost every butchery has a smiling cow or chicken in the logo? Isn't it ironic that those poor creatures are condemned to live a miserable life and besides, they are drawn with such a big smile?'

"You are the weakest link - go and make a cup of tea - goodbye!"