Married Couples Pillows

"There's an article in that paper, all about how married couples begin to resemble one another."

'I'm worried about the wife, Doctor. She hasn't contradicted me all day!'

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

'Ask me about my day.'

"If anyone asks, tell 'em I injured it while hunting, not gathering."

"If you don't like it you can always use it as another example of how I have no idea who you really are."

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

"How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good."

"It's our last model without GPS. Your wife will never know where you are."

Recycling - woman thinking of putting her partner in the recycling bin

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

'How are we supposed to have a constructive dialogue when you keep trying to interrupt me?'

"He used to catch flies...now he draws them."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'Isn't that a coincidence? - My wife puts powdered glass in my cornflakes, too!'

'He's a bit busy at the moment - Chillaxing.'

'No! No! You were keeping a note of what level we were on!'

"This, 'sexercise to music' CD isn't a bad idea. But, I wonder why they made it twenty minutes to long?"

'Tell me the truth - do I look fat in this dress?'

'Okay, okay -- You were right about talk radio!'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

'OK, let's admit it. We both hog the covers.'

'Have you notices that almost every butchery has a smiling cow or chicken in the logo? Isn't it ironic that those poor creatures are condemned to live a miserable life and besides, they are drawn with such a big smile?'

"You are the weakest link - go and make a cup of tea - goodbye!"

'Why must you be so difficult, Martin?'

'Together, you have enough insurance to cover only one person. You'll have to draw straws.'

"I didn't mean to yell. I accidentally hit my caps lock button."

"My Gary is such a thoughtful husband! First he walked the dog, then prepared the duck for lunch. It was a fantastic meal, wasn't it?"

"That's it, Lucille! No more mystery destination tours!"

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

"I don't want to talk!"

"Oh come on...it's just for one night!"

"Where would you like to be tonight, on top or bottom?"

". . . So tell me Mr. Confirmed Bachelor. . . why did you get married?"

"I just had to go and marry salesman of the year and fall for the old bait-and-switch."