Marriage Observer Pillows

"If I could choose any age I'd be forty-two again. You were hot when I was forty-two."

"It's his emotional support animal."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"OK, now what?"

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"I need a more interactive you."

Unmanned drones.

"I'm going to New Zealand for a walk."

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"Think you could teach your kid to throw straight?"

Junior's Towel

'I admire your persistence, Melvin, but I'm in love with another woman.'

"Why, it's Daphne—home from Foxcroft."

"This article says that the number of elderly living with their children is rising..."

"I got a dog as a replacement child."

"Hey, don't forget man's best friend!"

'Miron, stop teasing your brother this instant or I swear I will eat you! Don't think I won't! Remember what happened to your older brother Milton?!"

People in street, "Ooh doesn't he take after his dad"

'Frankly, don't bother fighting over me: I don't fancy either of you...'

"Believe me, Alice, you didn't miss a thing. It wasn't even a party—it was a positioning event."

"It's a cereal box. It's not supposed to be interactive!"

"You must be brave now, Randolph! You. . . You. . . You are adopted!"

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

"You're grinding your teeth again."

"No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting."

'Mom & her new husband' and 'Pop & his live-in girlfriend'.

'The trial marriage was going okay, until a surprise witness showed up.'

TV on demand

"Once you leave your safe-space, you can never go back again."

'Oh, please and thank you work okay, but I miss the old days as a baby when a blood-curdling shriek could get immediate service.'

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."