Marriage Debater Gifts

'My trial marriage was dismissed for lack of evidence.'

"Alice, you have to make a decision. This is still a monogamy state."

?20 tax breaks for married couples - 'If we got married we could afford to binge drink.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

The continuing adventures of Rex, Washington DC insider.

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

'If you start granting amnesty for people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following his conscience.'

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

"At this point, we know it's addictive."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I can lash out at you, unlike with other girls.'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

'I've spent a fortune wining and dining you today Julie and now you tell me you love Picasso!'

Darn it, you're touching my half of the loveseat again. (Published originally on Feb. 20, 2008.)

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'The idea of being cloned with a human being appals me..!'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'Office of P.G.Barley and Clones'

Foreign policy

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'Right here is where we adopted the practice of price gouging.'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'Someone calling himself a bio-ethicist is here to see you.'

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

"Tell me again. Do we weaponize, then monetize, or the other way around?"

"Hear no evil? See no evil? Speak no evil? You're all hired!"

'With my new phone I can lie out of both side of my mouth 24/7.'

'Thou shalt not covet a parking space.'

'My wife was psychic and divorced me over an affair I hadn't had yet.'