Marketing Gurus Pillows

"That's your big marketing plan?"

Cupid Co. Valentine's Day Special Offer. For centuries Cupid had a monopoly in the falling in love business. But dating apps were making him obsolete. So he formed a company combining his matchmaking knowledge with online marketing techniques. Perhaps the biggest factor in the enormous success of Cupid Co. is the no questions asked return policy when a customer thinks an item is not as advertised.

"I'm afraid a cell phone will give me cancer."

"It's a new approach to banking."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'How fast can you hype?'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"My best managerial trait is that I dig for answers until I get them between my teeth. My worst trait is that sometimes I bury them."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

Target your customer.

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

Business is off the chart.

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

"Leadership ISN'T just about trying to be BETTER than everyone else!"

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

'Now, who owns this project?'