Future Marketing Guru Pillows

"Sales are up 38% since the name change."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Target your customer.

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

Sale. To do this job you just need to follow the old adage and "dance like nobody's watching"!

'When my business turned into a lemon, I made lemonade....but that also failed when nobody liked its taste'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

Your ad here!

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

A close shave on the Titanic...

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'I think scroll sounds better than 'continuous media,''

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"In the marketplace of ideas, we may not have the best ideas, but we have the best marketing."

London Olympics.

"It's a Facebook Friend Request."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."

The White House's Trojan Horse