Marketability Magician Gifts

'They've agreed to our 3-book, 7-figure offer, but only if you remain obscene and obnoxious through book 2.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Team Leader

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'In keeping with the team approach, we've traded you for two middle managers to be named later.'

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

"Now the first thing you have to do is to get a client's attention."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"The door-to-door sales rep was very persuasive, but in my defense he only sold me one."

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'

"I'd like you to meet our director of scratch-and-sniff advertising."

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

'But what do you sell?'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

Advertising .01

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'