Market Predictors Pillows

'Greenspan was back for a guest appearance. He didn't say it's gonna be a bear market. He said it's a beware market!'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

Business is off the chart.

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

"I love your optimism."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Oh, I can't complain"

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

City Redundancies - In? Out?

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

"It will be all your fault."

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

'Well they often get it wrong.'

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

U.S. Manufacturing - Good News & Bad News

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

Profit Chart with Happy and Sad Faces.

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'