Profit Predictors Pillows

Finance Director killed by falling profits

"I like it."

'Our stock has been going up all week. What are we doing right?'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

ACME Balloon Company.

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Let's Celebrate

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

Business is off the chart.

"I love your optimism."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"Oh, I can't complain"

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"It will be all your fault."

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

City Redundancies - In? Out?

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

"Is it too late for me to stop poo pooing his expansion plan?"

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

U.S. Manufacturing - Good News & Bad News

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'