Market Predictors Gifts

'Greenspan was back for a guest appearance. He didn't say it's gonna be a bear market. He said it's a beware market!'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

Business is off the chart.

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"I love your optimism."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

"Oh, I can't complain"

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

City Redundancies - In? Out?

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"It will be all your fault."

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

U.S. Manufacturing - Good News & Bad News

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

'Well they often get it wrong.'

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'