Market Predictor Gifts

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

"I see sustained economic growth. You see prolonged downturn. Same old, same old."

"Seriously? Did no one foresee our stock prices collapsing after Easter?"

Desk trays for 'irrationally exuberant' and 'irrationally sluggish'.

Our stock picks have beaten the darts three years in a row!

"My arthritis lets me know when it's going to rain, and my acid reflux lets me know when a stock market storm is rolling in."

"I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what the market is going to do."

"I figure I must be doing okay at my job since our economy and currency haven't collapsed."

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

Why markets crash.

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

Business is off the chart.

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

"I love your optimism."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

"Oh, I can't complain"

City Redundancies - In? Out?

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"It will be all your fault."

Out of control

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'Well they often get it wrong.'