Marital Ninja Gifts

Sulk Shows

Domestic Superheroes!!

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

'Race you to the nearest lap?'

"The air bag sensed he was going to sleep. I love technology."

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

'Ugh Not Again!'

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

"I don't care if we did hibernate all Winter, I'm still tired."

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

'We'll just blame it on the fish.'

Meet the People of the Internet

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

"Among them, my children have eighteen years of accumulated experience harassing their mother!"

'Disappointed? You ask if I'm disappointed? Well, Arthur, after 38 years of patiently peeling away one onion layer after another, I'll admit I HAD hoped there was something more that a tough, green sprout-thingie at your core!'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'I now pronounce you man and wife, with no chance of parole.'

"I admire your devotion to duty."

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

Anger Disposal Experts sent in a remote control operated unit to defuse Ralph's tantrum.

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"Say those three little words you think I need to hear."

The light is green.

'That's a coincidence -- your wife was in yesterday, saying you're out to get HER.'

"Hey sweetheart, seat taken?"