Marital Mixers Gifts

Wedding Chefs

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

"Been there, drunk that."

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

Dan tells me you're an architect. That is so cool! Thanks! Cloud architect, actually.

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'I don't like the mediciney taste of this mouthwash either. I hate that taste of eyes of newt and turtle brains first thing in the morning.'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Congerto Number One, first movement."

We should talk...

"I try to mix art cases with technical cases and have each side of my brain log billable hours."

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

'Objection over-ruled!'

'And he seems to think he's God's gift to women.'

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

'You say he's stubborn, mean, cantankerous, won't take orders, sometimes won't move? Are you talking about your mule or your husband?'

"Look, like I keep telling what's-her-name here, we don't have a marriage problem."

"This is just like you, beverly. We're supposed to meet alone and you bring your attorney."

"No I don't have a motor bike - just a big angry missus!"

'To you, it's alphabet soup...to me, it's verbal abuse.'

No caption. (Friar wears a cross and the chord leads to his ears as it does with a MP3 player.)

"Now what did I do?"

Urban Trail Mix

'And to sum up: Could someone please call my wife and tell her I'll be late?'

"I know we have an arrangement, Gayle. Now I want a rearrangement."